In an office that has a "it wasn't me" attitude (leaving dirty dishes in the sink, empty containers on the table, a tablespoon of milk in the bag - no, of course it wasn't you. The milk finished itself), I did what I'd been programmed to do, I stared at it, and left.
A few hours and a few gourd jokes later, my boss came in to my cubicle carrying said vegetable. He explained that he'd brought it in from his mother's garden. "If I give this to you, can you do something with it?"
My mind began to race with all the healthy things I could make. I told him I'd love to have the zucchini. "Specifically, could you make zucchini bread and bring it here?"
Sure, why not? (prepare yourself for a long post - there are three recipes in here)
|even my little wine-holding man is shocked at the size.|
So I did.
I used this recipe from the Recipe Critic. Despite my love of Pinterest, I still like to Google for recipes. I like to see the websites' name (which I will absolutely judge a recipe by) and a picture in plain view. I also like that the top options will normally come up first. And when you start having a few favourite go-to websites, if you Google "chocolate zucchini bread" and see that one of your favourites are in the first few options, it's a no-brainer.
I chose this recipe because the picture looked delicious, the website looked professional, and it called for sour cream. If a baking recipe calls for sour cream, you know it will be good.
Follow her directions exactly, they are perfect. My substitutions:
- whole wheat flour instead of white
- coconut oil instead of canola
- regular sized chips instead of mini
- no orange zest
- hot chocolate mix in equal amounts of the sugar and cocoa required (I just happen to have a bulk supply of hot chocolate mix...)
It turned out perfectly, I only wish I had doubled the chocolate chips. It lasted a day at the office, most of it gone by 2 p.m., but that last slice hung on until 4:30 p.m. because ALL OF A SUDDEN no on wanted anymore. (actually, no one wanted to be responsible for washing the dish). In the end I forced it upon my boss who'd brought in the zucchini. And he even washed the dish.
|in other amazing news - i FINALLY moved my hand mixer to my place. omg was i ever happy.|
|mixing wet ingredients like a BOSS|
|fold in zucchini|
|combine dry mix into wet mix|
|how many ways can you look at freshly baked zucchini before it becomes too much?|
|three, would be my answer.|
This recipe accounted for 3 cups of the zucchini since I had doubled it.
So, I also made paleo zuchini bread, recipe from Against All Grain. This would use another 2 cups (doubled again) of zucchini.
This is a very nice, simple recipe. The only change up I made was using one regular-sized loaf pan in lieu of two mini loaf pans. And instead of almond flour, I used the failed attempt at paleo morning glory muffins which was basically almond flour, raisins, carrots, applesauce, and egg whites. More on this in a future post - but the reason, I believe, that that recipe failed is because I attempted to dry out the almond meal I had leftover from making almond milk by baking it on low in the oven. I have a feeling that this technically already baked the almond flour and therefore made it harder to combine. Because those muffins just fell completely apart.
|dry mixture: it looks like it should be chocolate but it's just that the almond flour has already been baked... twice.|
|the recipe calls for a ripe banana - which i had in the freezer. so to speedily defrost i put in a pan with some water on medium heat and prayed to the cooking gods that i wouldn't burn it. it worked perfectly.|
|blending wet mixture + zucchini|
|blending wet mixture with dry mixture added (i love my hand mixer)|
|"oh wow - that turned out great!" - is what you're all thinking, I bet.|
|me too - until I flipped it out and this happened.|
I wasn't totally surprised when this loaf fell apart too. What I did was cut it up into sliced bread-like slices the next morning, fry lightly in coconut oil, and serve like a paleo/zucchini/carrot French toast, topped with leftover paleo vanilla ice cream I had in the freezer for such an emergency, almond butter, strawberries, and bananas. This was actually so delicious and I really wished I had taken pictures but when my stomach takes over, there's not much my brain can do.
And finally, the last of the zucchini was used to make zucchini pancakes from: "a good little Jewish Russian Afghan Muslim (ugh)."
Actual recipe origins are unknown to me, my friend, (the good little JRAM) passed it along to me.
- 2 cups shredded zuchini
- 2 eggs
- garlic powder
- onion powder
- 1 tbsp coconut flour
This recipe is EASY. Mix everything together, let sit for about a minute so coconut flour absorbs moisture, and then scoop into a preheated (medium heat) pan coated with coconut oil (about 1 tbsp). Then just DON'T TOUCH IT until it's browned and solidifying on the bottom. The zucchini will be in a little lump and the liquid will run. Don't sweat it. When it's time to flip them, I sort of shimmy the runny bits back towards the "pancake" and then when I flip it, it will resemble more of a pancake shape. Let cook for a few more minutes (like two) and then serve. DELICIOUS. It satisfies salty, fried needs without actual deep-friedness.
I managed to fail at this recipe twice. A wise man once told me that journalists cannot make good omelettes because we have no patience. His point was hit home when I tried to make these and kept fiddling with them, squishing them down, moving them around, flipping back and forth, until they resembled a a dried out zucchini omelet.
Then I saw my friend make them, using the process I described above. HELLO LIGHT BULB. And they tasted amazing. So I tried it at home, and it WORKED.
So HA to the guy that said I had no patience.
My mods: I used a 1/2 cup of egg whites instead of eggs because I LOVE eggs and would rather taste an egg in its wholeness than have it mixed in somewhere else, and I did not use onion powder because I did not have it (after I made them properly, I could not notice a difference between my friend's - who used onion powder - and mine).
|See how they get all runny? When you flip them you can fix them up a bit.|
And so was the consumption of an entire, giant zucchini.