I love serving. I love food. I love a fast pace. Most of the time, myself and my fellow servers really actually are happy doing what we do. But sometimes you do things that just make us so mad.
1. When you seat yourselves. If there is no sign that says "Seat yourself", assume you should wait for someone. If you seat yourself we can easily miss you and you won't be served. Then you'll be hungry and upset. Also, it's rude.
2. Not making a reso. I don't get this, why wouldn't you? And then why would you be upset if there's a wait? This is not our fault. It takes a minute to call and most places have online reservations. And you probably have a phone that could do both of those things.
3. Telling us you're ready to order but you're really not. And then making us stand there like knobs while you have a conversation with the menu/your dining partner/yourself about whether you want a side Greek salad or side Caesar. During busy times, seconds really are precious and I promise you my skin is crawling while I stand there.
4. When you don't read the menu properly and then complain about something. I'm sorry that you are a vegetarian but why didn't you read the menu description that tells you this item has chicken!?
5. When you treat us like we're not there. I don't need to have a full on conversation with you, but if you don't even have the common courtesy to smile as I refill your water and instead halt your conversation and look deadpan ahead until I'm gone - again, rude.
6. When you think you should be treated like the only one there. Can you not see that I am running around like a chicken with no head!?
7. When you think we are all the same server. Apparently you cannot tell that I am not my blonde counterpart and you think it's entirely appropriate to stop me as I am carrying three dishes to my table so you can tell me you'd like to order another beer.
8. When I come to your table with the pepper grinder and hold it, poised and ready for action, while you and your dinner partner hum and haw - neither one wanting to make a decision for fear of upsetting the other. See number 3 again - making me look like an idiot and time-wasting.
9. Snapping at us. Just don't.
10. Motioning for the bill by making that hand gesture that you are writing something. Especially when I am RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. Use your words.
11. Couples with the bill. Do you know how awkward you guys make things for us sometimes? When we ask you if it's one bill or two? And the girl looks at the guy and waits about 3 seconds for him to say something before she says, a few octaves to high, that separate is fine? It's horrible. Do us all a favour and when your last dishes are cleared and you know you don't want anything else, just tell us you want it and how you want it.
12. Don't steal my pen. Ever.